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I was gripping my knife so hard that my arm started to tremble and my hand was going numb.'Get a grip God damn it, Nick!'I forced myself to stand still and take a couple of deep, calming breaths. That wasn't quite enough, so I took several more.Once again I heard Jacob's lecturing voice in my head, "Fear is the enemy of thought. Letting your fear and not your brain dictate your actions can get you or others killed!"He had taught me that it was impossible for any sane person to be truly fearless – real bravery is actually one's ability to properly manage and direct his fear. Being able to act decisively and somewhat lucidly despite being just a hair's breadth away from pissing your pants in panic. I honestly hadn't really believed him. At least, not at first. Thankfully, personal experience eventually taught me otherwise.I'd been scared before. Hell, I'd been outright terrified for my well-being, life, sanity and very soul on more than one occasion, and I'd been pretty much forced to. It's funny how as a woman you always notice the woman first, maybe men don't get that, but we do for some reason, and naturally I found myself looking her up and down, Anna and I are used to seeing other women changing either at the gym or in shops etc, but this seemed different somehow, almost like we shouldn't be there and shouldn't be looking, it was a very strange feeling but not half as strange as the feeling I had when I glanced over at her husband and for the first time in my life I saw a naked middle aged man and to be honest I wasn't that shocked, which surprised me. Now most women can relate to me here, as a single woman in her 20s my experience of real life naked men is almost exclusively limited to short-term boyfriends and guys that I meet on a night out, most of which are usually my age, in quite an excited state by the time I see them with no clothes on and that's if I do see them at all, so not being shocked as you see wasn't something I had considered but to be.
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